Turn of the table
by simonanderson
Summary: Asuka finally witnesses the young Ikari breaking down in his last attempt at suicide. She never thought things would get so bad after that. c/rip


**Turn of the tables**

Shinji x Asuka

Standing on top of the old apartment building looking out a fresh wave of hurt hit him. Images of Asuka on top of Kaji ripped off the bandages in his mind. He would never win it in battle or find it in another. The last girl he had offered had used him for whatever she wanted on a whim. Looking at the watch he realized that she would be there soon followed by Misato and section 2 security behind her. Why did it matter though he couldn't be stopped. No one wanted to love him or be loved by him that was clear. Listening to the footsteps behind him he could guess who would be us here with him.

"Yes, Ayanami."

The red eyed girl looked at the third pilot with orders from his father still coming.

"Commander Ikari has requested you stop this ploy for attention and receive medical treatment for your failing mental health."

Looking at the sky for an answer she would not believe the words that came out of his mouth.

"Request denied, tell him to get his next chess piece, good luck on finding whatever he wants to find and whatever else will placate him."

Turning to face her she began to feel a small fear bounce in her mind. Normally he was meek and docile with respect for all. Who ever it was standing before was not him or maybe he was going to actually jump and felt no reason to keep it up.

"Who will protect everyone?"

Caring too much to be selfish Rei believed she had the answer. After he backed down they could call the next child to be trained with his eva. In the end it would just be another victim for her, Kaworu, and the others.

"Let them die."

Spinning back to the scene he stood on the small lip of the roof. Comfortably standing no action could be taken against him without a heavy chance of his death.

"Someone else will have to pilot 01."

A numbing feeling worked through her spine. Cold in such a way that it had made her wonder what could have broken him. Paper sliding against cement brought her back from her thoughts as a wire bound note pad full of Shinji's notes was looking up at her.

"Rei, we both know no one else but you and I can use 01. You know how hard it was for you. Those notes reference things to help deal with its personality. Any other issues you want to try?"

" No, I apologize for not helping you before you felt so broken. I wish to stay until your departure if I can be allowed."

Day was becoming night as the lights flickered on casting an unearthly glow to the streets and walkways. Looking up at the stars he wondered as to a life freely lived and happily loved by another and how perfect it would be. Only when the stars began to reveal their positions did his roommates arrive. In truth they were heard before seen as Asuka had a habit of stomping anytime she was angry. Not the first time that day, after being allowed to stay she left to grab a warmer set of clothes. Forwarding the message had left the commander furious. Fuyutsuki just smiles lazily watching the plan of the commander be put in jeopardy by one teen who said enough was enough. Sending Dr. Akagi to go with the other two as psycho analyst was aggravating to the faux blond. Playing house while so much data remained meant another late night. Sitting on a milk box Rei could only brace for the sound of steel on steel as the door swung into the wall behind it.

"Dumpkopf! Dinner was not ready when Hikari-san and I came back so explain yourself!"

Her voice echoed into the night with no reply. Rei watched Shinji although he made no movement, no answer was given, or even an action noting the existence of the second or anyone else. Letting the redhead vent the pair of adults curious to his behavior asked the sitting girl what triggered it.

"I do not know. Exercise caution though for this is not how Shinji normally acts and will not follow the usual mannerisms of such."

Almost to emphasize the point Asuka had been near the edge with him. Rearing back for a heavy slap she was suddenly brought down in an armbar. Rolling off without a word before kicking the red head in the ribs she dropped to all fours. Only after seeing her move away he resumed position on the lip. Checking up on her other charge Misato gauged that nothing seemed to be broken although that would not mean bruises were out of the question.

"Asuka I understand why you hate me now. Misato I understand why you tease me or why Ritsuko does not care about us all. I was a bad replacement for everything. I am not Kaji or a pilot, or a son, or a student. I was never good enough."

She held her ribs walking over sparks in her eyes.

"Only a man is good enough, not a whiny crying boy like you. You will never be good enough for me or anyone else."

The last syllables blew past him painlessly.

"I hope you can find him then Asuka." Leaning close he met his lips to her cheek before whispering

"Aishiteru Asuka, Auf widersein."

the contact left her drained as she began to see him lean back off the ledge. No matter how slow they saw him fall no one could reach him. Second after second passed peacefully through his short hair turning his body so easily as well as the peace that came with what was coming. For everyone else the sound of flesh and bone at high speeds made a sound that was both uniquely human as well as uncomfortable. He was first broken mentally soon rending his body with gravity to match.

Dropping to her knees the sound of his impact was the first thing she heard after watching him fall. Her sense tried to return after trying to fathom what had just happened. Another person left her alone first her mom. The scene of her hung corpse something she could never forget. Kaji was next after that last night leaving NERV branded as a spy visiting the redhead he may have cared for. Shinji who ruined the moment after seeing their coupling left twenty four hours after tossing himself twenty two stories with the last words ringing in her head.

Misato began to round everyone up to their houses while tears rolled down her cheek. Just one time maybe sincerely talking with him would tell he was a good son and she was just a bad mother. Ritsuko soon joined Misato in the binges after the commander laid in to them all about being irresponsible. It was not long before she overdosed on hydrocontin. Without the brilliant scientist the test scores dropped of all the children leaving times where the evas were unresponsive.

Despite everything Asuka survived until the last angel instead of having to call down Kaworu. Shinji too k his first attack on the angel side making his way to the last layer. The vault where Gendo held Adam had been guarded by eva 02

Asuka had lost most of the reason to live with no one to compete against turning her anger within.

Seeing the pale form of Ikari her mind went back to that moment.

"Shinji...you...your...alive?"

The pale glowing form turned to see the monstrous unit staring it down. Floating to eye level of the mech he answered.

"Not quite, but I have been watching you Asuka. I thought you would be happy."

"I'm sorry Shinji, Please make the pain stop."

Closer to the screen he got, the more she felt at ease until as he placed his hand on the eye unit of the eva her own vision faded to black.


End file.
